G.E Wallpaper Grafitti

“What is he trying to write? Death?!!”

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That’s what I imagined people reading through this piece would exclaim. Bad choice of topic they’d say. Last time he was talking about work and now death? People cringe to hear this word, while some others would put their head down, eyes cast on their feet to exhibit repentance. Some may be unaffected but just say “Let’s find out what is he trying to say”. My reaction usually is that I would put my head down to respect the “tabligh” guys trying to preach me about the ways of God. In a sinister manner, I would challenge their words quietly in my mind. I’m trained that way I think. A rebel.

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Now, what had happened to him to have this thought of death occurred in the numb mind of his, you would probably asked yourselves. Well, maybe I imagined too much of people reaction. Imagination is just part of a writer’s blood, please excuse me. I’ll tell you my story.

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I was sick for the last 3 days including today. But today, I’m feeling a lot better. I was constantly coughing and sneezing with a high fever to top it off. In my sick times, I got bored and spent my times reading, watching the television for the ever lousy Malaysian-made drama series or just try to sleep it off, trying to take the ache and throbbing away from my mind. I have to try to find a mean of escape from this torment.

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Maybe you readers would say, “Just a petty fever and he’s making a noise out of it like a small child”. I’m not trying to get attention the way my one year old nephew would with his constant wailing, and yelling and nagging. I want to bring another topic to the mind of all of you which is death.

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In the days when you’re sick, when you’re deadly sick, the thought of death sometimes occurred to the mind. It’s normal. I fear that probably I got a disease called pneumonia. In Bahasa Malaysia it is called “Paru-paru berair” or direct translation to English “Wet lung”. That fear made me think of death. Of my death.

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Death is something tucked away from our minds. We intentionally put it at the back of our minds knowing that this ‘death’, is the dead end to our life enjoyment. We’re busy with our lives that we forgot something which is quite near to us which is death. You’ve heard it thousands of times before even if I repeat them, these words won’t sink into your heads, and I’m assured of it. I’m going to say it to you anyway: “Death comes to you whether you’re young or old. It does not recognise your age”. These word have no bearing to me, I have to admit, in weeks ago before I was sick. I was looking forward to my career.

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Waking up each morning, brushing my teeth, taking a nice cold shower, putting on perfume, all dressed up smartly, ready for a new day and rushing to work with thousands of people trapped in massive traffic jams. Never in such moments has death occurred to me. I was too absorbed with life. I wasn’t ready to leave this life just yet. I am young just starting my career to become a rotating equipment engineer. I want to get married my with girlfriend. I want to have a family, have kids. Have lots of cash. Get a nice car, a bungalow to add to it as well. All sorts of ambition which are normal to a human being. After writing these made me think, am I a materialistic person? One who never thought of the hereafter?

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These ambitions are part of our life and we never did think death being near to us. It could happen in any moment. God doesn’t need car accidents to take away our life. It could just easily happen in your sleep! It could happen even while we’re awake. When He said ”Be”, it will just be. As easy as that. This reading could somehow make you drowsy, sorry abut that. It so happen that not many people have this realisation, like something hitting them in the head, knocking them off their sleep, a product of deep thought and reflection.

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My experience when I was sick is that I couldn’t stand the fever, hard coughing (hurting in your throat) and flu as it is a disturbing nuisance to my life. I couldn’t carry out life as I had used to. No more going to work, no more engineering work, no more driving, no nothing. The sickness has disrupted my daily routine and this usually made food for thought. You stopped doing your daily stuff and reflect back on your life. Time had stopped for you to reflect. My sickness didn’t go away after all the medicine I took. It made me worry. My girlfriend was caring all the way, attending to my phone calls and reminding me to take the pills. She had mentioned something about pneumonia and I was afraid that I might actually have this illness. She described the symptoms which almost similar to mine. And afterwards I read in the newspaper of an old 80’s Malaysian rock band (which I never heard of anyway) telling the story of the singer who died recently due to pneumonia. I also heard recently from my ex-school mates that one of their friends had died of the same illness. Now, I’m really afraid of death.

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My over-reaction might be construed by you fine readers as pure act of silliness but the chain of events had profound effect on me. I’m not ready yet. I have missed many prayers and I haven’t yet repented. I realised my life which is deceitful. I was deceiving myself. I forced myself to forget about death in a subconscious sort of way. I have forgotten that God is All-Hearing, All Seeing, and All-Knowing. Allah knows what is in my heart. I was trying to conceal and forget about what was to come.

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The subject about death is part & parcel of religion. It comes in package. You eat cornflakes in the morning surely with milk. You can’t have just cornflakes without any milk to go with it, can you? Emmm, maybe you can but it would just be like eating crackers and who would want that? The inter-relation of death and religion is simple. It’s the question of after death where do we go? Only religion provides such answers, whereas no existing scientific experiments can tell us where we would go after death. Does soul exists? Is it immortal, the soul? What qualities does the soul possess? Undiminished, undying and immortal qualities? These sorts of question philosophers usually ask. Why philosophy comes into it because science cannot provide an answer. If souls are immortal, where do these souls go after death? We fear things we don’t know. Death is such an unknown mystery that people are frightens by it.

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For myself, I have faith in my religion that I do believe that if I die, Allah won’t be pleased with me for I had sinned too much. It’s not too late to dive into the lake of truth, finding death on the bottom of it. It is real. It is as real as life itself. Just have to reflect hard without deceiving yourself. All these worldly things will be taken away from me. For your info, my sister who is a doctor assured me that I only have a virus not pneumonia, and I hope she’s right…

This entry was posted on Friday, July 28th, 2006 at 4:27 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.