G.E Wallpaper Grafitti

Emotions are like roller-coaster. It’s a journey through ups, and downs, and circles. What I’m feeling now is just like having a dead sharp knife slicing a piece of what’s under my chest, cause it feels hard to breath, undescribeable pain. Yea, maybe I’m a bit too sensitive. Just have to disregard this sign of depression.

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Women… it’s pretty hard to please them and yet you’d get heart pain each time. I feel that she doesn’t take good care in formulating words which comes out of her mouth. Yes, hurtful words. Without thinking. The more you talk the more the act of thinking is absent from that dead brain of yours. Knowing if I try to pick a fight out of this thing, it would come out worse. Gracefully, I backed out. Through the phone I said to her, "Ok, takpe la. Bye".

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Now, I’m saying to myself, "God-damn it, you’re bloody too sensitive. Fuck it".

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Sensitivity has been part of me since I was a little kid. How did I realised it? Too personal to relate the story anyway. That’s why I view myself as a bit artistic instead of using the wimp word of "sensitive". I’m not a wimp. Yea, this is a weakness for a man. We don’t need to feel sensitive. It shows weakness instead of stronghold shelter for women. Our disregard to the feelings of women are very well documented. It’s just in our nature. While watching sad movies, no tears present although the girl beside you are creating massive flood in the cinema. In a way, it’s good to have little bit sensitivy. Maybe that’s why I ‘m good in poetry.

..

Yesterday, I met an ex-girlfriend of mine. She’s already married. Actually another friend, Lee Yan Wuu who wants to meet both of us (my ex- and I) and he set up the meeting. It’s just to catch up with time and build contacts. I came late to KLCC food court. I walk to their table as soon as I spotted them. They were in animated discussion or chatting, you know, hands up in the air while talking, laughter bursting, and I don’t know what was being said. Slowly, I approach them. I saw that she was holding her baby girl. I guessed the baby is a girl from the pink baby clothes she wore. Small little creature she is. Drinking milk from the bottle.

..

" Hi Lee. How’s it going? " I said whilst shaking hands with Mr Lee Yan Wuu. Then I looked at her and just smile and nodded. It felt really strange having your ex-girlfriend holding a baby. It takes me back and forth from reality, I really could believe this is happening.

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" You looked ‘healthy’ ", she said looking at my fattened stomach.

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Lee Yan Wuu continued’ " Ya lar, you looked berisi sikit". He could speak impeccable Bahasa.

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It made me lost my appetite to eat here. Have to get thinner. I’ve gained 10 kg since coming back to Malaysia 1 year ago.

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We chatted away and I couldn’t look at her most of the time. Although she’s talking, I would look at Lee’s reaction and only look at her in a fraction of time. Just can’t do it. She betrayed me while I was in Australia. And this guy whom she’s marrying is the culprit. I was defenseless. There was nothing I could do being too far away. I guess it’s just fate. I’ve already embraced this fate a long time ago. Her husband came joining us a few minutes later holding with him two plates of huge kebabs and some drinks.

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At one time she asked me, "Does your company needs more mechanical engineers?"

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"He could apply." pointing to her husband. He had a goatee, looked pretty manly but a bit fat.

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I didn’t respond positively to it. I just said "Yea, I heard they need two or three more mechanical engineers". I did not offer for his CV to be sent to me. Why the hell would I want to do that? That bastard.

..

Thinking back and reflecting while I was driving back home, I guess the angry feeling is still there. The animosity although long buried, has been dugged back. I’ll just leave it as it is.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 15th, 2006 at 7:31 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.